


Willow trees and Frank Sinatra

by eloha



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, This is all your fault, i'm actually very sorry, there will be tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 23:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12781977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloha/pseuds/eloha
Summary: "Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker.Wherever you're goin', I'm going your way."





	Willow trees and Frank Sinatra

**Author's Note:**

> I don't deserve to write anymore after this, I actually cried when I thought of it & the whole time I was writing. These guys literally deserve so much better, I'm so sorry. This whole fic is literal angst. Please feel free to hate me for this. And yes, I actually have no idea how any of this goes but shh, lets not look too deeply into this.
> 
> This is KuroAka everybody else is only mentioned in one heart-wrenching part. You're super welcome

It was just yesterday that I felt the sun sting against my skin. The soft press of love sing against my skin. Familiar. A routine that was engraved in our hearts, our soul, rooted deep into our very veins. We were just laughing, unspoken words of our forever hanging in the air.

I remember first seeing you under this wispy willow tree, singing a beautiful melody of moon river as if this were Breakfast at Tiffany's. I loved that movie with a passion. And when those brown eyes looked up and melted me, I think I loved you just as much. The sky was a blue-grey, clouds filled that once shinning sky. It was an ugly day for a walk in the park, such an ugly day for a beautiful love to be born, but my heart was jumping at the idea of it. My soul was itching to be reunited with yours. The way your eyes lit up proves that yours was also.

"Kuroo Tetsurou"

I play with the name a few times in my head. Still hearing the rumble of those perfect lips spill it out, I craved to scream it. I asked you for coffee shortly after my short circuit, that quaint little crow cafe on the corner of this busy byway. Fast-forward to movie dates shared under fuzzy blankets, laughing and crying at movies we've seen enough times like the backs of our hands. The number of the stars we saw in our eyes from our telescope that you bought on a whim. I hated that thing. I could never find a planet in the distance, but it didn't matter because you could. Park dates under this same tree, late nights laying down as I slid the words of love across your back. You would listen to me read my new books, "I won't fall asleep this time Keiji." You say with a yawn that kisses the setting sun. Such a routine is hard to get out of when you dedicate years to it, habits that weren't yours, what's yours just isn't yours anymore. 

So when I wake up that Saturday morning without you, I think nothing of it. Your bro nights, "BRO NIGHT AKAASHI!" and hoots echo after you followed by an even louder, "IT'S BRO NIIGHT 'KAASHI COME WITH US!!" For the zinth time I hear myself repeating the same thing I do every Friday night when this day comes around, "No thank you Bokuto. I'll stay home again, have fun." A kiss filled with yearning. Years spent together and we've never gave pecks, we put our hearts and our souls into it. Breaking away with uncontrollable desire and unconditional love. We back away with our oxygen filling each others lungs, regret forming in your eyes, but it's like this all the time. You're always back to me on this Saturday afternoon.

I'm sipping my tea watching as Ilsa leaves Rick stranded at the train station, a letter sealing their fate. The rain clouding his eyes. I always cry on this part, and a loud knock on the door startles me and makes me hurriedly wipes my eyes and nose on my sleeve. I look through the peep and see Kenma, Kenma? We're just as close as he and Kuroo are minus the years put together as childhood bestfriends, but I don't remember making any plans. If I wasn't so busy raking my brain when I was opening the door maybe I could have prepared myself, him showing up unannounced should have been enough preparations but I blame Humphrey Bogart for distracting me. I hear the slide of shoes being pushed against the wall and I turn the television down and hope my heart beat follows it, but I can't stop my hands from coming together picking at the sides of my nails. It's a habit that I formed when I was younger, and it has always drove Kuroo insane.

"Kuroo is over at Bokuto's right now, if you finish watching the movie with me he should be here by then. There's pizza on-

"Keiji.." My first name stops me dead in my tracks. Kenma never speaks my first name unless it's a serious matter, so I pause the movie and give him my full attention. "Akaashi...Kuroo won't be coming home tonight. I-I didn't realize he wasn't your emergency contact..."

The silence stretches out around us. I almost wish he was joking but this is Kenma, he never jokes, not even a cruel joke like this unless he was taunting Kuroo. I want the world to swallow me whole. I take in his ratty hair, bloodshot eyes and pasty skin, and I hate myself for being so ignorant for not realizing something was off. Unshed tears form in his eyes and I feel myself crumbling with him.

"There was an accident A-akaashi. I don't kn-know the details except it was a drunk driver that hit them last night before they could make it to Bo's house. Kuroo and Oi-oikawa didn't-" I continue to see his lips move and see the tears streaming down his face. I should be comforting him. I should be in his place crying asking the heavens why they had to take him away from me, but instead I feel nothing. I feel like my world has paused and I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. My stomach is full of anxiety and butterflies. Looking out into a sea that could swallow all my problems whole if I just lean over and fly into it.

"-shi, Akaashi, KEIJI!" I snap out of my reverie and turn blank eyes to Kenma who's looking at me hesitantly but expectantly. "Akaashi....You have to come with me to the hospital." Panic feels me and a broken sob escapes me, hot puffs of air stream out of me uncontrollably until clammy hands touch too warm cheeks, "Breath, please breath. I know you don't want to go, but please we have to identify his body. I can't do this by myself."

Identify him?? I give a solid nod of confirmation. Me? Identify my Kuroo? I shouldn't have to do this. Kenma shouldn't be with me right now. I should be hating Ingrid Bergman, cursing her out on the comfort of our couch until you get home. Instead we're driving to a hospital with the blur of trees passing us and the wind whisking against the windows. I somehow wish I could blow away with it. We make it faster than I would have hoped, and we're lead down hallways until we turn a corner to see a hysterical Iwaizumi trying to be consoled by an equally as heartbroken Matsukawa. Hanamaki is leaning against the wall looking up at lights that seem to be staring through him while tears continue to kiss his cheeks. They look as if they haven't slept in years. Broken "Tooru's" fill the air, the sounds of hearts breaking echo down an empty hallway.

"In here please." A timid shy little thing leads us in. She shouldn't be working here. Too blonde hair and too big eyes make you believe she's in the completely wrong place. My spite makes me hate myself, she has nothing to do with this but yet I find myself hating everything about her when she closes that door and pulls back those too white sheets.

I see him from across the room, I could have my eyes closed and still known that it was him. Kenma is speaking to the nurse, but all I can see is that horrendous bedhair, that I loved so much, is laid in a way I've never seen it before even on a good day. Those eyes, I used to say they hold my darkest fantasies in them, are hidden beneath pale eyelids and lashes that could still sweep you off your feet even with death now looming over him. There's no sly smirk, no seductive tactics, no terrible jokes that always made me cringe. There is nothing, nothing at all, and I realize how much of my life he was. How much I am completely nothing without him. I hear talking, but I can't will myself to listen. The only sound I can make out now are my screams and cries that fill this silent place, this hell hole that has now grabbed me by the wrist and are dragging me down until I'm lying across floors as cold as my heart. Hands try to grab me and I cry a little harder, scream louder like that would be enough to bring my Tetsurou back to me.

I feel myself being pulled up and instead of sitting in the chair I make my way to him, "Why Kuroo, WHY!? You promised me, you promised me everything!! Why did you die on me baby why, pleasepleasepleaseplease." I repeat myself until my voice is horse from crying too hard and screaming too loud. Until I'm laying across the body that used to hold me down so many times, _'How does it feel to be ravished by me Keiji?'_ That same sentence you repeated to me all the time, I hear you saying it now. I rolled my eyes every time and said you were cheesy, but my heart always caught in my throat with the hunger I would see in your eyes. Now I feel completely ravished.

A man that I poured my heart and soul into loving. A man that I will still love even though he's gone, he will always live on with me. I wipe my tear stained cheeks, and try to calm myself as much as I can. I give a kiss to your cheeks, one on your forehead, your eyelids and two on the lips for good measure- your words, your routine the same thing every night before sleep takes us. I give you a smile, because that's the way you always liked for your kitten to look. My last words are short and sweet, hidden with emotion that I'm sure you can feel even in your afterlife, "I will live for you Tetsu, you were my life my world, there will never be anyone else enough for me. I love you baby, I love you. Please watch over me." I could say a thousand, maybe a million more things but I pull myself together and force my tears to stop falling. With my head held high and my shoulders pulled back I make my way out of the room, stealing one last glance at that handsome face I always got so lost in.

Through sheer willpower I make it through the hospital without running back to him and joining him in the afterlife. A weak "'kaashi" catches my attention and I turn to see what should be Bokuto. Sunken lifeless eyes stare back at me, eyes that have always held a passion for everything in life. "Akaashi, I'm-I'm so sorry. We always ride together but yesterday was different. I don't- I'm sorry Keiji." He's rambling, a form of anxiousness that he still hasn't been able to drop even after our Fukurodani days. "What's the matter Bokuto? What are you sorry for? It wasn't your fault please don't blame yourself for another persons stupid and careless mistake." And I know I sound as lifeless and bitter as I feel. He opens his mouth and closes it and then he squeezes his eyes shut where a few more tears slip down. He pulls his hands out of the same sweatshirt he was wearing yesterday when they were together, and a small black box is enclosed in his hands. I feel my heart shatter at the cruelness of this world.

"He was waiting until Sunday," and a sad smile crosses his face for a brief second, "He had the whole day planned out for you guys 'kaashi, you would have loved it! I just know." Tears cloud my eyes and for the millionth time today I wonder what I did to deserve this, what did I do to deserve Kuroo. Hands peel my fingers apart and slip a velvet black box into my palms. My shaky fingers manage to open it without it falling to the ground, and the color of a gunmetal diamond shines back at me. "'It's the color of his eyes Kou, it's sharp and dangerous just like him. It couldn't be anymore perfect.' That's what he said when they showed it to us."

"Thank you Bokuto." I whisper it as I turn around, I know he heard me, and I can't bring myself to turn back around to see the tears that are falling from his eyes. I slip the ring on my finger, my engagement ring, a perfect fit. Of course it is, he always knew everything without me needing to give him conformation. I would have been married, maybe we would have had a fairy tale wedding, maybe we would have had a family later on. My feet guide me to that willow and it's strands brush across me, it smells like you. The sound of Moon River fills my head as I lay back and the the sky weeps for me.


End file.
